Couples Therapy

My Approach to Couples Therapy

My approach is largely predicated upon two models -- Developmental Neuroscience and the other, Attachment theory. These pillars are analogous to the keystones of two individuals consciously coming together to join in an event which we refer to as "relationship." Integrated within these two dynamic arches is applied Differentiation Theory. The phenomenon of sex, romance and attachment is a nonlinear experience bringing two nervous systems together in an ongoing interaction, igniting their endocrine systems & pituitary glands into a creative dance while engaging in the alchemy of testosterone, dopamine and oxytocin. It's a complex interchange, a delicate balance of sorts whereby varying states of attunement-misattunement, co-regulation & dysregulation may manifest seemingly at the speed of light. It is where self-regulation and co-regulation meet and where individuals have the opportunity to become their best selves provided they have a blueprint for the journey.

Couples therapy inherently offers a portal and a road map. Contemporary styles of relationship can no longer just rely upon convention. New skills are required for a rapidly changing world. Our patterns of relatedness have shifted along with the traditional roles that fueled relationships and marriages of yesteryear. With these shifts there is a tremendous opportunity to deepen our understanding and experience of what it means to truly bond with another. Secure connection has the potential of transporting one beyond the influences and restraints of early development. We can now actually become the architects of our partnerships if we prepare our minds and nervous systems for this exciting and ever-emerging process between two individuated selves.

My integrative model for couples facilitation is centered upon an Emotionally-Focused therapy that is simultaneously informed by NeuroAffective models of relatedness. This duet is particularly effective for couples where one or both partner's longing for intimacy presents a pattern of compromise by unresolved early developmental and/or attachment trauma. Arousal regulation is central to the treatment process. Understanding the reactive patterns of our amygdala (a fear sensor within our subcortical brain structure) as well as those of our partners, can greatly shift relational distress dynamics. It is a theme which is endemic to the therapeutic experience and a core component of psycho-education, one which has proven to be particularly effective with couples impacted by developmental & relational trauma and/or concurrent PTSD.

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